What are the effects on married life? Photo: file
“We were taught it simply at the time. He got into this habit since childhood.” These are some of the phrases you often hear between a husband and wife or parents say about their children.
These words largely reflect certain aspects of our personality as well as our expectations about our interactions with other humans and our married life journey. But it also tells us more about our childhood and the environment in which we grew up. How our childhood and current personality and personality were deeply influenced by the environment and childhood training.
That is why, according to religious teachings, special emphasis is placed on the early education and training of children, which has also been proven by modern research and psychology that childhood has a very great influence on children’s life, character and personality.
It is unfortunate that there is no adequate education and training system in our society for the early education of children according to the modern age. Today’s era has changed a lot over the past twenty years. Raising children today is a full-time job that requires a lot of training and direction. Today we cannot raise our children the way our parents raised us.
The most important unit in our society is married life. But if we take a look at our society, we can see the way this sacred bond is being insulted or the younger generation is losing its importance. We will find that it may not be the fault of these young people so much as the negligence and ignorance of the people they educate and care for.
Recently, research published in the well-known journal “Psychology Today” examined the lives of people who faced difficulties in their married life and discovered the effects of childhood trauma and negative circumstances on their lives. youths. Here are 10 signs that affect the lives and attitudes of children who experienced inattention, difficulty, anxiety and frustration in their early lives:
1: Fear of rejection and abandonment: Children who were neglected or abandoned by their parents in childhood often struggle with the fear of being abandoned until adolescence. Although they are often unaware of this level of anxiety, this fear is present in them.
Although their main fear is that their partner will eventually leave them. They often express these ideas in everyday situations. For example, when their partner goes out on their own, they get scared. If he walks out of the room arguing with his partner, they get scared. This fear often manifests itself in extreme cases, such as jealousy or separation.
2: Disgust and anger quickly at the presence of others: When we grow up in an environment where we often get criticized or see others being criticized, we understand that we are angry at the relationship. It is a natural way to express criticism from others. We believe that our flaws and failures are intolerable. Our partners or the people around us will not tolerate this, so we quickly become disgusted and angry at the presence of others.
3: Lots of time and space for oneself: Growing up in a chaotic and unpredictable environment creates a lot of stress and often leaves children’s central nervous system in a state of constant mental turmoil.
Even as they get older, they need more time to deal with symptoms of anxiety, nervousness, and fear. They feel safe living at home where they can control their surroundings. Allow themselves the appropriate time and rest. In such an extreme case, social anxiety or anthropophobia also has a profound effect on some people.
4: Lack of Balanced Sharing of Financial and Domestic Responsibilities: Sometimes these people are reluctant to trust any partner due to fear of dependence on someone else. They avoid balanced financial and domestic responsibilities in future partnerships. Either these people fully care about the other person up to this point or, conversely, rely too much on others to take care of you. Is this very dangerous behavior that often causes problems.
5: Benefits of Relationships and Staying in Relationships Despite Losing Relationships: When we grow up in an unstable environment, we often live with parents or caregivers who are addicted to drugs, mental illness, physical illness, or death. Struggling together, children often develop feelings of guilt that arise from wanting to end the relationship. Before we can “fix” it, living with someone who isn’t right for them sometimes feels safer than being alone.
6: Constant arguing, fighting with loved ones, or avoiding disagreements at all costs. Avoiding conflicts of some kind, they often fail to learn the skills needed for effective and healthy communication. They do not know healthy and effective ways to resolve and manage conflicts, problems and issues.
7: Unfamiliarity with Reconciliation After a Disagreement: As mentioned above, when we do not learn to resolve disagreements effectively and properly, we don’t even know how to restore the relationship after the inevitable partnership conflict. When and how to bargain or remain silent on an issue in such a situation is an important virtue. My grandfather used to say that relationships are maintained by humans, not angels. Behavior is important for maintaining balance in relationships.
8: Persistent fear of unwillingness: These people often live with a fear of being hurt again and a fear of loneliness. They try to prove that they deserve the attention and love that they were denied since childhood. Remember that with every new person comes new hopes, and this is proof that you can start your new journey.
9: I don’t have to worry about my partner leaving me: This usually happens to people whose parents and caregivers were unreliable or left behind. This is why such people fear that others will harm them in the same way that their caregivers did. No human being is perfect and every human’s journey is not always the same. So overcome your previous fears and always remember the element of freedom in relationships.
10: Forcing your spouse to change: This is the most dangerous reaction to childhood trauma, as most people say this to their partner. I don’t like it from the start so don’t do it. The change window always opens slowly. Because children are unable to change caregiver in childhood. So now they are trying to change what they have, which is why they want to change within their partner so that the fear in our relationship can be overcome. Second, they want to prove that if we can “fix” this person and make him a better partner, we are capable and capable of having a successful relationship.
If these symptoms are present in your life, this is a clear indication that you are and will continue to have difficulties in your married life. Leading American psychologist and marriage expert John M. Gutman says I can tell a couple in just five minutes whether or not their marriage will work out.
Remember that we are all human and are affected by the influence of our environment and surroundings. There are many factors that go into our behavior and personality that we have not learned about ourselves but are influenced by our environment. But in today’s world, having a balanced personality is nothing less than a blessing to be successful in both personal and professional life.
The next most important question should be whether there is a solution to these problems. Yes, the most important and basic solution is self-accountability. If you are thinking about changing your attitudes and moving forward in life, you need to take stock of your life, especially your childhood.
Write down the points, situations, and events that affected your situations. You can seek guidance from a psychologist in this regard but first you need to prepare yourself for the process of change. Getting rid of bitter memories and past events is not easy, but it is not impossible. In this regard, two Indian films can help you understand this situation to some extent. “Life and dear life will never be found again.”
Your life is so precious and why carry the burden of bitter memories on your shoulders for the rest of your life because of a part of your life that wasn’t on your bus. Get rid of this burden and learn new situations, thoughts, ideas and people in life. Change the way you look at the world, see things with new eyes, new lenses and new canvases. Gather the people around you who will help make your present better and your future better. You would certainly say that these are all biblical things, so what does it have to do with our lives? This is exactly what I thought.
My life went through many ups and downs, but I was determined not to let the situation overwhelm my thoughts, to create my own environment. Don’t let the environment be like yourself. This journey and decision are not easy, but they are so much better than the pain and anguish that makes your life indigestible. Believe me, give your life a new twist.
Forgive others because they are human too. Start taking 100% responsibility for your life and attitudes from now on and try not to repeat the mistakes our parents made and we for the betterment of our generation, otherwise they will give their parents their lives tomorrow like us. Take responsibility for the bitterness of starting your new life journey with yourself. Then look at the beautiful aspects of this beautiful universe with your personality.